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TODAY.WIT
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1992-08-16
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* These sayings come from four sources:
* The Speaker's Desk Book (1937)
* Bartlett's Familiar Quotations (1944)
* A program called HI (no author or history known)
*----------------------------------------------------------------------
F0101 Minds are like parachutes, they only work when open.
F0102 Every Titanic has its iceberg.
F0103 An honest politician: One who stays bought.
F0104 A closed mouth gathers no foot.
F0105 What`s the most popular form of birth control? The headache.
F0106 Clean mind, clean body: take your pick.
F0107 Whatever advice you give, be brief.
F0108 He who laughs last probably doesn`t understand the joke.
F0109 Let he who takes the plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
F0110 If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.
F0111 When in doubt, make it sound convincing.
F0112 A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.
F0113 When all else fails, read the directions.
F0114 If your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.
F0115 If reality wants to get in touch with me, it knows where I am.
F0116 When forced to choose between two evils, try the new one.
F0201 Every human being comes equipped with a brain at no extra cost.
F0202 To laugh at men of sense is the privilege of fools.
F0203 To save one life is better than to build a seven story pagoda.
F0204 To criticize the incompetent is easy; it is more difficult,
F0204 Cto criticize the competent.
F0205 There`s so much to say but your eyes keep interrupting me.
F0206 There`s at least one fool in every married couple.
F0207 There is always someone worse off than yourself.
F0208 The wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf.
F0209 The weed of crime bears bitter fruit.
F0210 Statistics are often used as a drunk uses a light pole:
F0210 CFor support rather than illumination.
F0301 The plural of spouse is spice.
F0302 The only rose without thorns is friendship.
F0303 The minute a man is convinced that he is interesting, he isn`t.
F0304 The light of a hundred stars doesn't equal the light of the moon.
F0305 He who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn`t been asleep.
F0306 The hardest thing to do is to disquise your feelings when sending
F0306 Ca large crowd of visiting relatives home.
F0307 The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth
F0307 Cand sharpen my tongue.
F0308 The best prophet of the future is the past.
F0309 The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.
F0310 The attacker must vanquish; the defender need only survive.
F0314 En liten gåva är bättre än ett stort löfte.
F0401 The average woman would rather be beautiful than smart
F0401 Cbecause the average man can see better than he can think.
F0402 That must be wonderful! I dont understand it at all.
F0403 Someone whom you reject today, will reject you tomorrow.
F0404 Someone is speaking well of you.
F0405 Some rise by sin and some by virtue fall.
F0501 Some men are discovered; others are found out.
F0502 Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all.
F0503 When all is said and done, too many people
F0503 Ckeep on saying and doing.
F0504 Fame is proof that people are gullible.
F0505 We have nothing to fear but fear itself.
F0506 No really great man every thought himself so.
F0507 There is as much greatness in acknowledging a good turn,
F0507 Cas there is in doing it.
F0508 Beware of hip and rum drivers.
F0509 Home to a young boy is merely a filling station.
F0510 Early to rise and ditto to bed, make a man healthy,
F0510 Cbut socially dead.
F0528 When seeking love give nothing, Having found love give all.
F0530 In gallant trim the gilded vessel goes,
F0530 CYouth on the bow, Pleasure at the helm.
F0531 If she had lumbago she couldn't sing a note.
F0601 Show affection, it will probably meet with pleasant response.
F0602 Share your happiness with others today.
F0603 She`s learned to say things with her eyes that others
F0603 Cwaste time trying to put into words.
F0604 Put your brain in gear before starting your mouth.
F0605 People will buy anything that`s one to a customer.
F0606 Ours is a world where people don`t know what they want and
F0606 Care willing to go through hell to get it.
F0607 One man tells a falsehood, a hundred repeat it as true.
F0608 One family builds a wall, two families enjoy it.
F0609 Of all forms of caution, caution in love is the most fatal.
F0610 Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.
F0611 Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.
F0612 No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
F0613 Never say you know a man
F0613 Cuntil you have divided an inheritance with him.
F0614 Mistakes are oft the stepping stones to failure.
F0615 Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.
F0616 Might as well be frank, monsieur. It would take a miracle
F0616 Cto get you out of Casablanca.
F0617 Matrimony is the root of all evil.
F0618 Many a family tree needs trimming.
F0619 Man and wife make one fool.
F0620 Man`s horizons are bounded by his vision.
F0621 Make new friends but keep the old, One is silver the other gold.
F0622 Make a wish, it might come true.
F0623 Love is sentimental measles.
F0624 Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
F0625 Lend money to a bad debtor and he will hate you.
F0626 Let he who takes the plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
F0627 Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.
F0628 The heart is wiser than the intellect.
F0629 May the force be with you.
F0630 It`s a poor workman who blames his tools.
F0701 It`s clever, but is it art?
F0702 It is far better to be deceived
F0702 Cthan to be undeceived by those we love.
F0703 It is Fortune, not wisdom that rules man`s life.
F0704 The less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.
F0705 If you wish to succeed, consult three old people.
F0706 If you make a mistake,
F0706 Cimmediately fix it to the best of your ability.
F0707 If you continually give you will continually have.
F0708 Quit work and play for once.
F0709 If you always postpone pleasure you will never have it.
F0710 I`ve given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.
F0711 The orator speaks, with his flood of words
F0711 Cand his drop of reason.
F0712 He who is good for making excuses
F0712 Cis seldom good for anything else.
F0713 He who has imagination without learning has wings but no feet.
F0714 He who falls in love with himself will have no rivals.
F0715 He walks as if balancing the family tree on his nose.
F0716 He is truly wise who gains wisdom from another`s mishap.
F0717 He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides.
F0718 Even a hawk is an eagle among crows.
F0719 By following the good, you learn to be good.
F0720 Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear through.
F0721 An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
F0722 The picture of health requires a happy frame of mind.
F0723 All who would win joy must share it, happiness was born a twin.
F0724 No one is so happy or sad as he imagines.
F0725 Every anarchist is a baffled dictator.
F0726 An institution is the lengthened shadow of one man.
F0727 He cannot rule the great who cannot rule the small.
F0728 No facts are sacred, none are profane.
F0729 Faith will not die while seed catalogs are printed.
F0730 Public speaking takes a two minute idea,
F0730 Cand a two hour vocabulary.
F0731 All work and no play makes jack. And lots of it.
F0801 God gives us relatives; thank God we can chose our friends.
F0802 Fortune truly helps those who are of good judgment.
F0803 Faith goes out through the window
F0803 Cwhen beauty comes in at the door.
F0804 Everything bows to success, even grammar.
F0805 Everyone complains of his memory, no one of his judgment.
F0806 Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark.
F0807 Cheap things are of no value, valuable things are not cheap.
F0808 Behind every argument is someone`s ignorance.
F0809 Beauty seldom recommends one woman to another.
F0810 A wise man can see more from a the bottom of a well than a
F0810 Cfool can see from a mountaintop.
F0811 Fear is the tax that conscience pays to guilt.
F0812 Only the doctor can suffer from good health.
F0813 Communism will work when love, not greed, inspires it.
F0814 Democracy will continue as long as people have faith
F0814 Cin the people they are going to elect next.
F0815 The desire to work is confined to classified ads.
F0816 God never imposes a duty without giving time to do it.
F0817 Thrift is a wonderful virtue - in an ancestor.
F0818 If we were intended to talk more than we hear,
F0818 Cwe'd have two mouths and only one ear.
F0819 Better to be religious with your eloquence,
F0819 Cthan eloquent with your religion.
F0820 Freedom has a thousand charms to show,
F0820 Cthat slaves, however content, will never know.
F0821 The louder he talked of his honor,
F0821 Cthe faster we counted our change.
F0822 Of all the ills that men endure,
F0822 Chope is the only cheap and universal cure.
F0823 If you bow at all, bow low.
F0824 Toil is most pleasant when done.
F0825 Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas any more.
F0826 A minister says matrimony should be enduring. It is.
F0827 No man can serve two masters, yes-men can serve hundreds.
F0828 A good man gone wrong is usually a bad man found out.
F0829 Losing weight: the triumph of mind over platter.
F0830 To get ahead and stay ahead, use your head.
F0831 A fool and his money are invited everywhere.
F0901 Do not clog intellect`s sluices
F0901 Cwith knowledge of questionable uses.
F0902 Deprive a mirror of its silver
F0902 Cand even the Czar won`t see his face.
F0903 Creditors have much better memories than debtors.
F0904 A man without a God is like a fish without a bicycle.
F0905 A plucked goose doesn`t lay golden eggs.
F0906 Hearts will never be practical til they're unbreakable.
F0907 They do not love that do not show their love.
F0908 Better three hours too soon than a minute too late.
F0909 Honi soit qui mal y pense.
F0909 C(Shamed be he who thinks evil of it.)
F0910 Ideals kill some men in politics,
F0910 Cbut politics kill more ideals in men.
F0911 Ignorance is the mother of superstition.
F0912 No woman should imitate men; men are not worth it.
F0913 At 18, I was ashamed of how ignorant my father was.
F0913 CAt 21, I was amazed at how much he had learned in three years.
F0914 Most campaign literature is an insult to intelligence.
F0914 CSad that many never realize it.
F0915 You can judge a man by how he keeps his golf score.
F1001 Conversation enriches the understanding, but solitude
F1001 Cis the school of genius.
F1002 Justice delayed is justice denied.
F1003 They know enough who know how to learn.
F1004 The laborer is worthy of his hire, if his labor is.
F1005 Love is blind, to everything except fat.
F1006 A husband is the medicine that cures all the ills of girlhood.
F1007 Pale ink beats a good memory.
F1008 Would that government spent our money like it was their own.
F1009 Music is the only sensual pleasure without vice.
F1010 If you want the last word with a woman, apologize.
F1101 A guy has to get fresh once in a while so a girl
F1101 Cdoesn't lose her confidence.
F1102 I ain`t broke, but I`m badly bent.
F1103 The best government teaches us to govern ourselves.
F1104 The bigger the bankroll, the tighter the band around it.
F1105 Are you a good witch, or are you a bad witch?
F1106 Blessed are the peacemakers, they will never want for work.
F1107 Bachelor's wives and spinster's children are always perfect.
F1108 Better the shoulder to the wheel than the back to the wall.
F1109 Whatever you have, spend less.
F1110 In fashion be a reed in the wind,
F1110 CIn principles be a rock in the stream.
F1111 He was a bold man that first ate an oyster.
F1125 Don't need a new religion, haven't used the old one up yet.
F1126 There are two sides to every question, politicians take both.
F1127 Politics is either passing the buck or passing the dough.
F1128 To make pleasures pleasant, shorten them.
F1129 Never despair. If you do, you work on in despair.
F1130 Too many pray for peace with their fists clenched.
F1201 Two wrongs do not make a right, it usually takes three or more.
F1202 Lost interest? It`s so bad I`ve lost apathy.
F1203 The greatest programming project of all took six days;
F1203 Con the seventh day the programmer rested.
F1204 The only red menace in America is the sunburn.
F1205 Every noble work is at first impossible.
F1206 To reform a man, begin with his grandmother.
F1207 No man's religion ever survives his morals.
F1208 Who to himself is law, no law doth need.
F1209 Selfishness is that vice we see in others, never in ourselves.
F1210 Equality of the sexes leaves women standing on buses.
F1211 Never borrow trouble, the interest is entirely too high.
F1212 To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved.
F1213 It is better to live rich than to die rich.
F1225 You are not judged by how much you love,
F1225 Cbut by how much you are loved by others.
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